Letters to God: Finding Purpose

Dear God, This is my last attempt at blogging. Honestly, I feel so lost. At times, ideas flow effortlessly, and I’m brimming with content, but then I hit a wall where I have nothing to offer. I’m uncertain whether it’s social anxiety, fear of how others will perceive me, or the worry that no one will read my articles. I love writing—I know it's a gift you’ve blessed me with—but I’m scared. Scared to practice, scared to grow, and scared to fully embrace myself in this journey. I don’t feel aligned with my purpose—not because I lack financial success—but because I sense a deeper misalignment. I’ve tried pursuing what I believe you’ve called me to do, yet I often find myself stuck. The emptiness of being out of alignment is overwhelming, and sometimes it feels as though you’re distant, as though you’ve left me to navigate this alone. These thoughts can spiral into self-doubt, making it seem reasonable in those moments to believe the worst about myself. For the past two years, I haven’t been myself. I don’t know why, but after starting my 9-to-5 job, I stopped blogging, stopped writing, and stopped connecting with you. I also stopped chasing my purpose and slipped into a cycle of merely surviving day-to-day, drowning myself in work. I long to return to writing—not just as a hobby but as my full-time calling. While I don’t hate my current job, the environment feels stifling, invalidating dreams and goals. I know I can’t stay there forever, and I can’t imagine a future where I’m not writing. Writing is my calling, and feeling disconnected from purpose is soul-crushing. Though I still talk to you occasionally, it’s not like before. I’m working to rebuild our relationship, God. My deepest desire now is to reconnect with you—to return to a place where we can talk about everything and where I feel aligned with your calling for my life. Your Word in Jeremiah says you have plans to prosper me and not to harm me, yet at times, I feel forgotten, as though I’m freestyling through life without direction. I hold onto the truth that you will never leave me nor forsake me, even when it’s hard to feel your presence.
This is my desperate cry for help. I come to you raw and vulnerable, pleading for your guidance to take charge of my life, thoughts, career, and entire being. In the coming weeks, months, and the rest of this year, I want to walk in obedience, allowing you to lead and trusting your path rather than relying on my own flawed reasoning. I’m tired of justifying selfish decisions and claiming, “God will forgive; I failed to control my flesh.” I remember growing up with a clear vision for my life—a husband, a fulfilling career, a godly lifestyle—and now I’m consumed by emptiness. Even when I try to fill myself with your Word, guilt lingers, constantly reminding me that I’m unworthy of your grace and mercy. Yet, I still long for that life you once promised me in dreams and visions—a life with a loving husband, a meaningful career, an intimate relationship with you, and joy, contentment, and peace found in your Word. Until next time Choose grace. Chase alignment. Create anyway.

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