Relationship Anxiety: Part 1

 

The past few weeks I've been having conversations with close friends about relationships from what drives a relationship, what keeps two people together, makes them commit to each other and how we can define relationships in the 21st centaury (that's if we have a different kind of love). These conversations have been thought provoking so much that it got me reflecting on my own life. I got to look at what I want and what I look for in a man and I asked myself a couple of questions, have I been settling for less? am I even willing to settle for less?


Well I don't know hey but what I do know is yes I have lowered my standards a couple of times and this has drained me emotionally and mentally. I moved from believing into one thing and actually allowing myself to compromise what I don't believe in just because I'm "in love". This caused me to be the one that invested more in the relationship. I would be the one doing all the calling, texting and asking such "how are you" "I miss you" "can we do lunch sometime" in short I was the initiator. I was the initiator and at that time my partner was the beneficiary of my time, love and investment.


One other thing we millennials go through and don't take seriously is relationship anxiety. we have relationship anxiety from time to time and its caused by our past experiences that cause us to wonder if "history is going to repeat itself". After settling for less, investing in a person that didn't care much about me I started having panic attacks. Everytime a guy would approach me I would fear that I was going to invest in him, in us and he wouldn't care.

My anxiety grew bigger every day to a point where I started taking medication for it. I had to learn the art of calming myself down, staying put and allowing myself to fail in relationships because no relationship is perfect. One of the biggest things I learnt was every relationship was unique and it was meant to be that way and me panicking about my past wasn't going to make me enjoy being with the person I was with at that time. So I managed my anxiety and now being in a relationship for me is all about growth, yes I compare my past to my present because I don't want to be repeating the same mistake again. I have also learnt about the right way to investing, see you can't invest into a relationship if you are not invested yourself (there's a difference between investing and being needy of love) most cases I was just being needy because I was trying to close the void my father left.


I still believe it's important to learn your partners love language that way you can invest in them the right way. Something to also remember there is nothing wrong with you if you keep failing at relationships no relationship is perfect and no one is perfect either.

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