Untold Stories of Vat 'n' Sit: Part 1

The beginning of any relationship is always scary. I believe it is because of not knowing what to expect and also trying to lower your expectations but not trying to seem desperate simultaneously. Relationships are hard! It’s a given,however that, we are born to be in relation with one another regardless of what we feel or go through. Here I am years later, after having tried all sorts of ways of dating and I am still stuck with the same problem. I am stuck with me babying people I date because I still believe I should play the mother role in their lives. My notion of mothering the guy is me getting to know him so much that I know every single detail about him, leaving me with a guy that knows nothing about me because I never really gave him the chance to get to know me. Again, relationships are hard but who makes them even harder? As a pastor’s kid, I have always been taiught that there are some things I should not do because it will bring shame to the family but also because my dad does not like or even believe in them. I tested my dad’s patience when I decided to get an ear piercing. He was furious I later escalated matters by getting my first tattoo, which left my dad not knowing whether to preach to me and remind me of what the bible says or to just let me be. I didn’t stop there I decided to get a nose piercing which only lasted a month because I lost the earing However I plan on getting another one, in short, I’m saying being me is hard because every decision I make I am watched, and evaluated. In my quest to try out relationships and be in a long-term relationship, was me deciding to move in with my boyfriend simply because "I wanted to experiment and also have it ticked off my bucket list" Crazy bucket list if you ask. Normal people have sky diving, bungee jumping, rock climbing, and all those normal stuff, and yet here I am wanting a vat'n'sit (cohabiting).

The month was April when I decided this is it! I packed all my stuff after spending a mere 8 months staying by myself after moving out of my mom's house. The entire family kept asking 'Where are you moving to?' well my answers were very bland 'I'm moving to the East Rand, I just want to explore the township lifestyle' Every time one of them wanted to visit, I would deny it and hide behind my work. I did this because I felt they would judge me, I honestly didn't need the judgment I already knew it was wrong so why have them rub it in my face? The relationship continued, and I continued venturing into this new lifestyle of staying with a man. A man I believed that staying with him would help me and him grow close to one another and would possibly escalate things in the relationship. No one warned me about this "makoti" (wife duties) thing, I mean yes I am not obligated into doing it but I mean society has put it that a woman is the one that cleans, cooks, and takes care of everything.

Therefore, yes here I am cleaning, cooking, and taking care of everything. Am I happy? well, the beginning months sucked I hated it, my mom used to do everything for me now I'm stuck with another adult that expects me to do these things for him, I mean even though at times he does them for himself but majority of the time I am the one doing them. Months went by and I continued cohabiting. I didn't know how long I wanted this thing to last all I knew was I had ticked it off, I knew what it meant to stay with a human being, not in terms of friendship but in terms of romance and it wasn't easy. I had my highs and lows. I had moments where I wanted to move out and end the relationship but I also had moments where I was excited because I woke up next to him, bathed with him, shared a meal with him and even prepared meals with him. The small things we did made me realize that moving in together was not as bad as I had imagined and that there is always room for improvement for the relationship to grow.