Posts

Relationship Anxiety; Part 2

Image
The struggle of learning another person's love language is still a challenge when it comes to millennials. Dating a broken guy whiles I'm broken myself brings so much anxiety. I question every move I make, every word I say and everything I suggest; am I doing too much? am I doing too little? am I caring too much? (Is there such) anyway I'm just anxious being with this human being and I'm just curious if what I want is what he wants. The problem is not the relationship or the duration of the relationship but the two individuals who are anxious, doubtful and worried if they are about to reach destiny world (ideal partner) or doubt world (trial and error). My struggle isn't being in a relationship but how I act when I'm in a relationship. I tend to forget that it requires commitment, which is something we need to practice every day, we need to learn to recommit every single day no matter how tiring or frustrating our partner is. The bible says love is k

Relationship Anxiety: Part 1

Image
  The past few weeks I've been having conversations with close friends about relationships from what drives a relationship, what keeps two people together, makes them commit to each other and how we can define relationships in the 21st centaury (that's if we have a different kind of love). These conversations have been thought provoking so much that it got me reflecting on my own life. I got to look at what I want and what I look for in a man and I asked myself a couple of questions, have I been settling for less? am I even willing to settle for less? Well I don't know hey but what I do know is yes I have lowered my standards a couple of times and this has drained me emotionally and mentally. I moved from believing into one thing and actually allowing myself to compromise what I don't believe in just because I'm "in love". This caused me to be the one that invested more in the relationship. I would be the one doing all the calling, texting and

The Debt Pool; Drowning in Debt

Image
It's a pity that some of the things we do we learn them from our parents who also learnt it from their parents, it's a generational cycle we need to break. One of the generational cycles I found myself drowning in was the one of debt!, Debt one of the biggest problems that most young people find themselves tight up in and the only way to get out is by borrowing from one lender to pay the next. This is the fastest growing problem as 1 in 3 millennials find themselves with debt before the age of 30. Before I was born my grandmother was a stay at home mom, she moved to the city to go find work when my grandfather was retrenced. She became a domestic worker and 10 years later she found herself drowning in debt, borrowing from one lender to pay the next lender. She would console herself by saying "Batho kao fela ba na le dikoloto" (everybody has debt). She passed down this mentally to my mom who passed it down to me. At 18 I was already owing a clothing store r

I The African Child Part 2; Mogote Wa Poko

Image
With every "Tsala Dumela" to every "Gompieno" you know for sure that you are about to be encouraged with some setswana poetry. The art of words, creativity and a passion for healing people with words has become one of the things most young people seek when they hop on to social media and good bet because we actually have those young people who are doing exactly that. Mogote Wa Poko the well known setswana poet is here to take the world by storm with his traditional poetry that is making waves all over South Africa. Most young people would think as a poet the best language to use is English as it is a universal langauge, one of the most understood and maybe because our African languages aren't really ideal especially if one's craft is going to be their career as well. Mogote took the country by storm as he started performing his work of art by using his home language, he moved from being a community poet to being the most recognized on

'you are african you can't be anxious or depressed' ; The Mental Health Wave

Image
Still today, I still find myself explaining to friends, family and even colleagues about why I'm having an emotional breakdown because to them it's still taboo for a black child to be going through such. Words like 'why are you having an emotional breakdown, those are white people illnesses', 'why are you still holding on to that you need to get over it and move on', 'you probably just acting up' are words I get from family and friend's who think me having anxiety is just me acting up or seeking attention. A few months ago I lost my cousin who was like a best friend to me. I didn't know how to mourn him especially because I couldn't even go to his funeral so as a writer I resorted to writing. This helped for a couple of weeks because I felt I wasn't doing justice in honouring his memory. The plan was to ease the pain and be at a point where when I think about him I smile, I laugh and maybe giggle just a little bit. For those w

Becoming with Abigail Radebe (Part 1; Being Me!)

Image
What a year! I'm still trying to recover from it, I'm also still trying to get used to the "new normal". The initial plan was to conquer the year with all my plans, ideas and "new year's resolutions" however that didn't happen because of the pandemic. Many people have always asked, how do you do it? How do you maintain such a positive attitude and keep your head up even when things don't look so promising? How do you maintain your social life alongside your career life? Relationship wise?, how do you keep that maintained? Wow! well all these questions bounce back to the kind of person I am. I love order, I love being in control (I'm not saying I'm God neither am I saying I want to do God's work in my life No!) I just like knowing what's happening in my life, I want to know how to solve things that need to be solved, I want to also have some sort of schedule that tells me where I'm headed in the next season of my li

Wrapping Up 2020 (Part 2; Men Are Not Financial Funders For Women Who Have A Poverty Mindset)

Image
...'if you love me send me money'...some of the words men get from women which somehow paints women as gold diggers and men as stingy humans. The problem has never been men struggling to give women money, it's never been that men don't want to come through for their partners financially it's just the struggle of failing to have proper conversations that align out exactly what they want in relationships. Our generation is very diverse, we say what we want when we want how we want and often fail to stand for what we said. Millennial females stood their ground and spoke out about how they will not stand for an emotionally broken man because they are not "rehabilitation centers" for broken men. They however forgot to mention that men also don't want to be financial funders for poverty minded women. Men also want to come through for a woman that is also making means to take care of herself, not a woman that waits for everything to be handed to h