Don't Touch Me #reportrape

  

           Source  Malabela Photography

A gentle, yet rough grab on the throat  accompanied by a push towards the wall. Panicking, not sure whether to scream or not. Questioning myself about what could  happen next. To be precise, my body turned cold and numb as I watched my so-called  boyfriend force himself on me. The consistent whispering in my ear saying… 'I won't hurt you, relax you'll be fine'. My body turned from cold to freezing. Do I run downstairs to inform his family of this  imposition?  Do I fist up and fight back  against this violation?  I am 19, dating  someone I thought I can trust. How do I look  my mother in the eye and tell her that I am  sexually active?  I am afraid to engage my mother in such conversations. The 19 year old girl in me became detached, cold and  untrusting because of what one guy did.  Would you like to take a bath, have a sandwich and when are you getting dressed?  Words of a man who just took advantage a vulnerable girl (an affirmation; that a perpetrator admits no wrong, turns  not the other cheek to his shame but rather  believes in his innocent as part of the community but it is our responsibility to mend this plague out of society). The problem with such situations is that once you let one guy get away with it, you allow others to do the same thing until it develops into a pattern. I reminisce, wrestling “What-If’s” and wondering whether the events of the day could’ve unfolded differently if I had screamed when I had the chance. This  is  the day that was supposed to be my birthday. The day I get to celebrate life and growth. This day was supposed to be added into those memories I create each and every year when I turn a year older but  unfortunately it’s one of those years I live to regret. Visiting old age homes, orphanages  and other organizations on my birthday is  merely an escape that flushes out that  memory.

4 years later I find myself  in the same  predicament again but this time around it's  someone close to me. Slight comments  passed before a pat on the  back that  is  followed by a disgusting giggle. This person is supposed to be on my side but he rather  would violate me instead. What did I do to give them such an impression (Why should we be asked what we did to give the perpetrator that thought of raping us as if  we begged for it?)  I won’t be censored  anymore. I spoke out and I am proud of myself for standing up to hypocrisy. Study shows that 1 in 4 women are raped by their  partners on a daily basis but can't report it because, apparently not all reported cases  are classified as rape. How do we then date  men we are scared of saying no to?  

 'Lebitso  lebe  ke  seromo'  African  proverb that means a child acts according to their  name either be it that the name means  something good or bad. My father named  me Dimakatso (meaning  surprises) my  mother named me  Abigail  (meaning  father's joy). Everything I've been doing has  surprised the family. From my career choice to the everyday life choices I've made. I still think if my dad didn't name Dimakatso I wouldn't be in such predicaments where I let my body be numb instead of fighting back.

As a woman I believe there'll always be that  one guy that chooses to force himself on you and when that  happens  always  remember  that  you are not the problem, You didn't ask for it. Stand your ground and fight it. Report  the matter if you have to. Just do something  rather, don't just stand and watching him do as he pleases. 

Someone asked me why is it  that when I speak, I speak like I'm not heard. I raise my voice and I repeat myself as if the  person listening isn't hearing me. After being raped by my boyfriend and having my uncle attempt to rape me I always acknowledge the need to speak from a position where I feel like I'm heard and most importantly a position where I am understood. If you are violated in any way please report it, seek help from different organizations and help get the perpetrator punished for their actions. The sooner women and children understand that it’s not their fault to get raped, more victims will come forth. Women actually standing their ground to fight this disgusting social ill should encourage others to do so. Rape is an act of irresponsibility and lust, not the women’s fault.

#reportrape