Being a young christian (part 3 - untangling the tangled)

"how you do relationship with your parents will determine how you do relationships with others". I came to conclude this statement after seeing a pattern in how my parents did relationship with me and that resulted in me doing relationships with others the same way they did it with me. By now you know I'm a pk, I'm dad is a pastor that is married and has his own family, when he had me he was just going through a phase where him and this wife were struggling in their marriage so my dad cheated with my mom and they had me. Yep you guessed it right I'm a product of cheating (in the beginning this would hurt me every time I thought about it but now I laugh about it because I can't imagine an entire pastor cheating yet telling other people at church to be faithful, his position of being a pastor made me question so much about him I mean his a pastor so somehow perfection is expected from him even though half of the time he didn't practice what he preached). The pattern of doing relationships I learnt from my parent's which I wish I didn't has led me to doing relationships in the most craziest way. My dad (I'm talking from what I observed, I don't know him that well) his an advisor his always advising other people especially about relationships but he never takes time to fix his own relationships, his also a good listener (I'm so grateful that out of all things I could inherit I took the most important one, listening), most important thing his a "hustler" my dad never stops his always finding new ways to make money (most people thought just because his a pastor he depends on money from the church not even he does his own thing to generate money) as for my mom she's a helper she's always helping people either be it financially, mentally or emotionally whatever way she is always there to offer her help, she is also has a problem of committing (something I took from her I wish I didn't) if and when she commits it's always a one foot in and one foot out, she also has this weird thing of quickly moving on after breaking up with someone (I also do the same thing).

Wow how do I untangle all of this. I did inherit the important stuff I'm guessing. Every relationship I've ever been I've always played the good listener like I always listened to my partner, I also advised them when it came to their career whatever it is that they wanted to do with their life but I also committed half, I also moved on very quickly and because of that I'm stuck with guys in my past that I'm still in love with. I'm still stuck with guys I've placed on hold and told "I need time for myself can I get that?" And the weird thing is these guys are willing to wait (I wonder what do I have that they don't want to let go of). I dated a lot of guys simply because I moved on too quickly, however every guy I've ever dated I taught them something new and they did the same thing with me.

Most of the relationships I was in were just short term they lasted between (1-3 months) as for the medium term (3-9 months) long term "I wish there were really long term" ( 9-24 months). The short term all we did was go out mostly eat and just take a lot of unnecessary pictures, medium term was a bit serious I mean I met some of the families (it was scary but I felt special) long term was real like oh my word I can't believe it, I met the family and things were deep honestly i mean it wasn't just about going out it was about building each other and growing each other. I only had 2 long term relationships (Jabulani and Nqobile "my current boyfriend") I also only had 2 medium term (Siyabonga and Junior) the rest were just short term.

Each relationship medium or long term taught me something, Junior was very arrogant because he was more stable financially and I was still finding my feet so he would remind me time in and time out that I'm nothing without him, his family was very welcoming though. Siya and I were still testing the waters we were still finding exactly what it is that we like when it came to relationships so it wasn't much of a hassle.

My favorite relationship was my relationship with Jabu, I have never met a guy that told me directly that "hey I know you going to blow up more than me and because of that I'm intimidated by you" like oh my word I intimidated him (I'm seriously laughing right now I have never seen myself as a threat especially to a guy, I guess that's why Junior had to weigh me down with his negative words I intimidated him!) Jabu was also an amazing listening although at times it felt like he wasn't listening to me, he also invested in me something no guy I've ever dated has ever done. As for my current boyfriend I'll share more about him in the next post.

We all have something we inherited from our parent's that has led us to doing relationships the way we do them so take time to look into and if you can fix it then please do (who knows if I could have committed full not half Jabu and I would have had an amazing relationship by now but I didn't and we broke up). If you can untangle the tangled that you learnt and inherit from your parents then please do so let's be a generation that doesn't repeat what our parent's did.