Dear: Daddy Dearest (my first love)

Daddy dearest, my first love. I want you to know that from the time you left till now I've never stopped loving you. I've never stopped wondering to myself if you were ok, how you slept, what you were eating (even though I couldn't provide for you because I was too young), I've never stopped wondering to myself what kind of person you are, how do you act when you angry, how you sounded when you laughed and yes how my siblings were. I honestly didn't stop loving you I just grew angry towards you because I failed to understand how come you created me but still chose to leave me stranded. You were suppose to be my first love, you were suppose to be that guy that kisses my forehead, that guy that takes me out (treats me like a princess), that guy that invested in me way before I could invest in him. You were suppose to be there to teach me how to deal with a heart break but yet again you broke my heart way before you could teach me, you were also suppose to teach me how to love myself before I could love this human being called a "man". I'm not angry that you back I'm angry because your timing is bad. I'm angry because the time you came back has left me stranded, I'm confused, I'm jumping from relationship to relationship because I'm seeking validation, I'm seeking approval and guess what mommy tried to validate me but because she wasn't also validated when she was young (she was forced to mother her siblings whiles her mother hustled money to feed them and daddy dearest was drowning his sorrows monday to sunday - generational cycle of seeking validation but not receiving it) things didn't really work in that department.

My first love you hurt me, you broke me way before I could even find myself, you created pieces of me way before I could even figure out the full picture. Hear me out, I love you, I love you so much I can't even explain it but I won't lie to you but you broke my heart and I need you to understand you'll forever be my favorite person (what a clean man you are, so humble, so resilient, a whole prayer warrior and again how could I forget the incredible entrepreneur that you are). Our relationship will never be the same again I'm not sure if it'll be a transactional relationship forever but however we turn out to be in the future I pray that my daughter gets to have a relationship with you that I never had, at least make it up to me that way.


I don't know how your relationship with your dad is right now I don't know if you missed out on having a relationship with your "superhero" or "first love" whichever one it is but I want to remind you that there's always a second chance use it wisely. I know every boy dreams of having a dad as a superhero and every girl dreams of having a dad as the first love if you missed out on this opportunity and got a second chance to work thing's out use that opportunity and don't hold on to anger it never solves anything.

Celebrate your dad always and just like my pastor (not my dad) would say "if you can't speak well of your dad, keep quiet don't say a word, choose to honor him always even in his faults".

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