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Showing posts from July, 2020

Dear Daddy Dearest: Where to from here?

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I'm still trying to untangle the tangled. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or not but what I do know is that past forgiveness is a lot of tangled stuff that needs untangling. Have you ever been in a relationship where you don't know how to act? Like you don't know how to be yourself, every time you try you just feel so out of place. My dad left me feeling out of place like honestly I don't know how to feel, act and react when I'm with him. It's so sad that my mom plays the match maker (middle woman if I could put it like that) when mommy is not around there's silence. Past forgiveness is suppose to be a stable relationship with communication, consistency, loyalty, honesty and trust but how do you begin a stable relationship with someone that hurt you in the past? Well luckily for me I learnt this from my dad that I will never have a stable relationship until I fix trust. Most people would argue that communication needs to be fixe

Crown Her

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'bzzz bzzz, bzzz bzzz' every 30 seconds a message is received either be it from a family member or from a friend or a mere notification from the social apps we have but our phones are very busy, all day everyday. Sometimes this is exciting but sometimes it's overwhelming but whats more overwhelming is being critized before you even given a chance. Boipelo Mosehla a 'female' content creator, YouTuber, tiktoker, part time make-up artist and student at the University of Johannesburg is planning on taking over the socials with her amazing personality and fresh content. The plan has always been to shine light on female leaders (we are all leaders in everything we do) who are doing the most. The plan is to help crown another female, uplift, grow, inspire and build in every way possible. When I first saw Boipelo's YouTube videos I wanted to know more about her, I wanted to know how is she holding up, how is she managing, is she getting to where she wants to

Being a female leader (part 3 - Reflect don't compete)

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The scariest thing is having a reflection of you in a friend version like everything you do she also does it. From how you handle pressure, being overwhelmed, work ethics and how you do relationships. I don't think anyone ever anticipates having a reflection of themselves in a friend, imagine how creepy it would be if the person you close to already knows and understands how you going to react to whatever that you going through. I'm honestly grateful for my friends they know me like I know myself, they understand my character and how I behavior. One of the biggest lessons I learnt ever since I started leading is that reflecting is better than competing. Sometimes we females hate reflecting especially if the criticism comes from another female. My best friend whom has the same ethics as me has taught me that when she advices me to do things (in a certain way that will bring growth) she's not trying to bring me down but instead she's helping me to be a better

Being a female leader (part 2 - help her fix her crown)

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I think the hardest thing is not leading no! The hardest thing is congratulating another female that's in the same lane, industry and work space. See the reason we have females that don't stand with each other it's because when a fellow sister is in the same lane as you and is excelling instead of congratulating them for reaching those milestones we critize them, bring them down and yes talk bad about them. It look me a long time to realize that I also had that bad spirit of putting other woman down, I had the bad spirit of choosing to talk bad about another female simply because I was jealous of her making it before me. As bad as it sounds it's was worse because I'm a believer and I need to practice the love God gives to me to another female in particular. When I had my first encounter with Buhle I was ok until they had to choose one person to lead (we were at a camp when we met) unfortunately I wasn't picked because that's not my field, I don&#

Being a female leader (part 1 - the beginning)

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An average female compares herself 90% of the time to other women and the other 10% is covered by self motivation/confidence and peer motivation/encouragement. I fall under that 90%, I grew up very shy and very well put together I didn't feel the need to always be out there (i felt like what I had to say wasn't worth hearing so I kept to myself) and that affected my leadership roles. Half the time I was elected to lead something I always feared failing in that role so I would back out as soon as I could, I rather sit behind the scenes and coach the leader (even though that made me angry I felt my efforts weren't recognized) I wanted to be in front but I feared being in front, I prefered the back but I complianed when I wasn't seen in the background- I clearly do not know what I want. Being a female leader is hard. Your gender already puts you in the minority, when ever you speak you are either belittled or told "we hear you but you are a woman you won&#

Dear Daddy Dearest: Almost Reflection

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I'm humbled...I'm humbled by the thoughts I have of you, I'm humbled by how much dedication you had in raising me even though I wasn't biologically yours. My stepdad will forever be my superhero (even though I was angry at him and God because he left too soon but hey it is what it is) I can't imagine a better childhood than the one I had, being a princess was my mandate. I walked around with my friends with confidence knowing that I had the best toys ever (I'm laughing as I'm writing this because I make it sound like I owned the world, but it felt that way). My stepdad had kids before he met me and my mom but he still dedicated himself to raising me like his own. The scariest thing back than that my mom feared the most was me being raped by my stepdad because that was the common thing that was happening but my stepdad proved himself otherwise. This year marks exactly 12 years since his passing, am I still angry and bitter? Well ya I feel like if

Being a young christian (part 10 - Reboot)

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Being a young christian is hard, there are a lot of challenges from the way one lives, conducts themselves and from the company we keep but being a pk is even harder everyone is watching you. Everyone expects perfection from you even when you make a mistake you are reminded of your title and position in society. I must have been one of the few that got to be a pk silently without a lot of attention brought to me (not anymore). I'm grateful for my parents, I'm grateful that I got to learn what I learnt from them, I'm grateful that even though they weren't fully there in my life but the little time we spent together was very special to me. I think moving forward I'm not going to be part of the ministry that much (unless God forces my hand) I personally think my purpose isn't in ministry. I think outside ministry somewhere in society (being a social entrepreneur) is my calling, my purpose and my talents lie somewhere there. The time I spent in ministry

Being a young christian (part 8 - purpose redefined)

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("Take a deep breath what you are about to say is very important, if you shake you'll mumble and you'll lose your audience" i say that to myself all the time when I hold the mic). Honestly speaking just like I said I love being on stage I honestly think I always have something to say that people need to hear, it's just a pity that half of the time I don't believe in myself and that results in me not sharing what I think was thought provoking. I don't blame anyone for my insecurities, I don't even blame my dad I just think personally I want to be so many things that it slips my mind that I can't dominate in all the things I do. Sometimes I always wonder why does God make creative people so good at what they do and then make them confused. I'm creative and confused it's weird honestly, like sometimes I try to combine my dad's skills (that I learnt and "inherited") with my mom's skills (I think some skills are inh

Dear Boy Child

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Dear future boy child, I dream about having you every single day, I dream about holding you, I dream about sitting down with you and teaching you a few things about being a gentleman and all but I'm not sure if you will be like those guys that kill and hurt females, I'm not sure if you will be like those guys that sit in silence and don't do anything to end such bad behavior. I'm writing this to tell you that one day I'm going to be your mom, I'm going to be that woman that will be proud of every milestone you reach but again I could be that woman that sits and wonders what are you doing out there what kind of person are you when I'm not watching. I'm hoping and praying that you won't turn out to be like those guys that when they walk they make females fear for their lives. I'm praying that your future girlfriend (who will later be your wife) won't be scared of you, I pray she won't settle down for abuse coming from you simply

Being a young christian (part 7 - purpose defined)

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The problem with being a young christian and pk (pastors kid) is the fact that everyone expcets you to walk in the path your parents are in. I mean there is nothing wrong with being part of the ministry, growing God's kingdom is my favorite part I won't lie honestly I love sharing God's word and I think that's the only thing I can say I love doing the most. There is this sense of calmness ,belonging that comes with me sharing the gospel. Growing up I've always had the love for teaching, being on stage and writing. I think the teaching part I didn't really understand it but I knew if I could stand in front of an audience and speak for me that was enough. The older I grew the more I was exposed to the stage. There were times I hosted dialogues (I love talking and so I figured let me turn that into something productive and make sure that people have profound conversations, thought provoking conversations with me through dialogues that I host), mc-ed at